Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
