My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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