we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
