And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize