Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
