My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
