I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
