I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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