I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
