he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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