The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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