I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize