I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
