It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is my gift to your gina
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
