sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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