i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
