Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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