margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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