I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
