Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
