i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
