how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
