Kiss
Puke
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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