what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
