I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
