I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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