Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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