I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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