i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
