I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
