dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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