I think I won the penis lottery.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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