You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
