I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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