All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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