my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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