Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i think my cat just said my name.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
