What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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