your parents love me but you hate me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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