dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sober January is a disaster.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
