whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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