I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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