im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
