So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
