i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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