I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
