I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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