I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
