just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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