i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
