You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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