ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
