I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
