dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
