Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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