If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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