Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
3pm strippers are depressing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
