we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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