so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
