How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
