After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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