I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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