After last night, I could never be a politician.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
