apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize