Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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