Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
