so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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