ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
